Hi. I don't think you're an incel. Being involuntarily celibate due to not being able to find a partner is one thing; but meeting the definition of the "incel" that we use in the modern world is another.

Incel, as in the term we use nowadays, refers to primarily men who hate and despise women, see women as less than human, believe that women aren't as smart as men and cannot/shouldn't do the same things & have the same opportunities men have. But most importantly, incels see women as sexual objects and believe that women only exist to sexually pleasure men, and there's no other value to women beyond that.

You are certainly not an incel.

Women can also feel resentful of men due to negative sexual experiences. It doesn't mean that those women are female incels. Sometimes people are just unlucky and frustrated. It doesn't make them incels, regardless of gender.

You seem like a smart person. Maybe finding someone with similar condition would be helpful, as in someone who's on the spectrum?