I get your point. But flip everything you just wrote around. The inflexibility that currently exists is that usually it's men who propose, and women are expected not to do that. It shouldn't be about gender, but sadly, it is.

If you're saying "place spouse's interest ahead of your own" - great, let's place my interests ahead of his. Or are you asking me to place his first? In reality, BOTH interests should be equally important. And asking someone to marry you, or at least discussing marriage, means defining those interests. In my opinion.