Thank you for the reply, it's nice to hear from another needs anticipator! I'm sorry it's a lot of work for your spouse to do the same thing, but you know what? Like I said, people express their love very differently. I'm sure she expresses it in other ways. Similarly, it might be tough for us to utilize other love languages, while it's much easier for others. And I'm sorry you had to dial back on this behaviour, hopefully it's for the best. It surely hurts when your efforts to anticipate someone's needs is rarely reciprocated.

Ah, I didn't even think it could be a response to trauma. It makes total sense, especially for those who grew up in abusive families. I didn't, but I do need to say that one of my parents has been emotionally immature, reactive and explosive. I learned to deal with it in a good way when I was a teen, which didn't have much to do with anticipating her need to prevent a new scandal. But maybe, as in 10% maybe, it is a trauma response for me? I will think about it for some time now, haha. But I think I've been slightly scared to not complete all the tasks my mom gave me as a kid as opposed to not anticipating her needs in advance.